My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's get the cat blown out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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