Don't you send me to vm
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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