Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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