I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So many bounce houses so little time
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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