Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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