get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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