dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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