we have pet lesbian snakes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize