How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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