as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
