i was born a porn star she said
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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