You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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