Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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