I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
