You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
