So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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