I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
