Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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