I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
