Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
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She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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