ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
