where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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