Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
