this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
