I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
