i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I won the penis lottery.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
