WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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