Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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