last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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