This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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