Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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