Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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