Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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