Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
