I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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