All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
