i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
