he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize