My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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