Do you still have your period?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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