First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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