I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
