I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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