my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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