drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
