is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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