First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
