Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
