I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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