I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
