Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
