I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
