So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
