Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm going to jail i love you
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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