i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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