U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We talked him into tasing himself.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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