I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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