This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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