I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
