You made me cry and you don't even care
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
