Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
