Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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