glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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