well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
