Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
