i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
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It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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