Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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