Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
