I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
