I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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