I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
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Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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