Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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