best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
