Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
