Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
