Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
