Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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