We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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