You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
