your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
