All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
