I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
