Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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