I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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