he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will be naked everywhere
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
