how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it glows. i had to have it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
