i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
