Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
