I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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