Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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