I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
