based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
